Miracle creams?

I'm tired of all the ads for creams etc. to make someone looks 20 years younger.  They won't help me.  I need a cream that takes off say, forty years.  You may think you know why I say forty years, but you don't.  That's because most of you have no idea who 'Walter Pidgeon' is.  You see,  I have a face like Walter Pidgeon.  All the creams in the  world aren't going to help me.  AND, from now on, we won't use the word 'wrinkles'.  Never ever again.  Character lines.  I have character lines.  Remember that, if you ever approach and recognize me in public. If you don't, I think I can still deliver a good 'punch'...........marge